Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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