Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
