maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
