She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
