You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
