Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
