Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
