when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
