ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
