4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
