I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
