Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize