my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
