Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
