Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
