I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
