so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
