i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
