If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this will be a night to untag.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
