I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
