I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
