youre lurking in front of me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
