I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
