A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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