Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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