Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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