there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
