yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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