Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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