I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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