Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize