I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
