I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
