Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
