It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
