I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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