I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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