I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
