apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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