Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
