Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
