By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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