She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
