Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
