I have demons in me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize