Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
