you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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