I could have mohawked her pubes.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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