i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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