would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
