ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
