Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
