I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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