I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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