just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
