This is not my ceiling
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
