I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
