You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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