he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
