so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
