she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
sarcasm needs its own font
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
