Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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