Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
