You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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