We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
