just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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