Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
