Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
