I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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