You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The adults are the big ones right?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
