pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
