Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
