her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
