Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
