Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize