so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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