now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
