he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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